Marriage

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Q. Pastor Tim, I am a 34 year old Christian man. I was married for six years. My wife and I had two children, a boy and a girl. I worked then (and still do) at a community mental health clinic, as a licensed counselor. She was a homemaker. I don't know how to describe what began to happen, except to tell it the way it seemed to me. After the first several months of our marriage (we dated for a year before marrying), I began to increasingly notice that my wife and I had great difficulty seeing eye-to-eye on the majority of topics. Maybe I should have seen this coming, because when we were planning our wedding, she refused to consider the inclusion, in our vows to each other, of any language that in any way communicated any sort of submission on the part of the wife to the husband. I felt this was simply an overreaction on her part, because she had had a previous marriage in which apparently her husband had forced his will upon her in various ways, and has mistreated her. I thought, at the time, it would all be okay. She professed to be a Christian, and I assumed that she was (now I just don't know).

When our children came along, real problems began to emerge. As we began raising them together, she grew increasingly resentful of the fact that I was the bread-winner, going to a regular office job, and she had to stay home and take care of the kids. She told me she wished she had an education and didn't have to stay home. She wanted to work. I argued that she would not be able to make enough money (no college, no special skills) to make it worthwhile, after childcare expenses were deducted, and that at any rate our son and daughter needed her to be with them. They were about three and one-and-a-half at this time. Despite this, she took a series of jobs, and either quit, or was fired, from them. She became depressed by this, and I tried to tell her that when the kids got a little older and started school, she'd be able to work a shift each day while they were in school, and then we could all be home together as a family in the evenings. I felt (and still, in recollection, believe) that I tried to convey understanding of her frustration, but she verbalized on many occasions her resentment that I had an education (Masters) and she didn't.

From the time that our second child came along and got to the crawling stage, things were always a disaster at home when I would arrive home from work in the evening. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I would often come home to find the children totally unmanaged. Once I was turning into our driveway and found our son down near the highway, unsupervised by my wife. He had escaped her attention, and could have been killed by a passing motorist. At other times, I would come home to the kids smearing toothpaste on the china hutch, or I would discover where she had not put up the chocolate syrup after fixing one of them some chocolate milk, and I'd find a trail of syrup throughout the kitchen and living room.

More than once, I came home to find one or more entire boxes of cereal scattered all over the home. One more example: once I found she had let the kids get sharp steak knives from a drawer in the kitchen. They had managed to stab several dozen holes in our bedroom door before she took the knives away. Luckily, neither of them were cut. Often, when I came home to these scenes of chaos, I would grow very angry. Sometimes, I'm sorry to say, I raised my voice to my wife in criticism.

Over months of this, spanning into a second year, then a third, I grew more and more stressed out with what seemed her ineptitude as a mother. She did not react well to my attempts to sit down and have an adult discussion about the problems, and what we needed to do to fix them. I tried to get her to attend pastoral counseling with me, but she wouldn't. The marriage deteriorated. She withdrew emotionally, and sexually. Sometimes I would come home from work and she would turn the children over to me and go to bed, at 6 pm. She would have fed the kids something (not always nutritious) before I got home, but wouldn't save any food for me (throwing it out to the dogs). When I asked once in exasperation why she couldn't save me a plate to heat up (it wasn't like I got home late! I was usually home around 5:30 pm), she said she figured I could make a sandwich.

After a period of many months in which she was uninterested in sex and unresponsive to my own interest, and in which she continued to withdraw (she never wanted to talk to each other after we got the kids to sleep! she just wanted to go to sleep), we both began making noises about divorce. Things had gotten to the point where I was "letting the sun go down on my anger". After more than one failed attempt to convince her to seek couples counseling with me, I -- after one particular argument -- told her I just didn't see any point any longer in being unhappy, and that I felt she wasn't even trying to find a solution with me. This hint about divorce (which I have come to understand was a sin on my part, because as far as I know she had not been unfaithful to me) was met with her response, "Fine" "I've just been waiting for you to ask."

We did wind up filing for divorce. At her insistence, I moved out and paid all grocery, utility, house payments, gas, etc. expenses, while renting an apartment ten miles away. During this time, she took our daughter and son to the community mental health center where I worked as a program director, and reported to them that I had been molesting our daughter. Upon this accusation, my agency put me on administrative leave with pay, pending the outcome of an investigation. For over four months, I was unable to be with my children because of this investigation. I will say now to you, and anyone reading -- and the Lord knows I am speaking completely truthfully -- that I never, ever, did anything that in any way, shape, or form could ever have been remotely construed as "molestation".

Nevertheless, for those four plus months, I went through the first real tribulatory period of my life. I was scrutinized in interviews to the point of being sick. In the end, the judge dismissed the case. Because of my wife's false accusation, our then-four-year-old daughter was subjected to a forensic pelvic examination, to look for signs of sexual abuse. The specialist physician's report of course came back definitively -- no evidence of any such abuse. Now it is two-and-a-half years later.

After a lengthy period of both clinical and pastoral counseling, I began to regain some emotional balance. Now, I have asked for and received forgiveness for the divorce. I know, without any doubt, that my sins surrounding those very difficult years of my life, are forgiven. I've spent a lot of time in prayer, asking for God's forgiveness for any and all sins I comitted, and I have peace in my heart and know I am forgiven.

Today, I have joint legal custody of our two children with their mother. I have the children every other weekend, and every Wednesday, and I'm working on getting greater time with them. Their mother claims now that our daughter made some comment at some point during the divorce that maybe she (their mother) misinterpreted or over reacted to, and that she didn't really accuse me of any wrong doing. She says she didn't realize it would turn into the ordeal it did.

For my part, I have never argued this with her, but I believe she did it out of bitterness and hurt, to strike at me, during the pain of divorce. I have asked her fogiveness for hurting her, and told her I am sorry. We both now get along cordially. She even calls to let the kids speak to me, and she gets on the phone herself to pass a few pleasantries and discuss the children and anything currently going on with them in school or elsewhere that needs our joint attention. We have agreed to put aside the painful past and work together for our children's sake. We mutually encourage both our children to respect and obey the other parent when the kids are with him/her.

To this day, that marriage, and many decisions and questions arising from it, haunt me. Did I marry a non-Christian? Must I now be single for the rest of my life? The last several months, I've spent a lot of time in prayer about this. I feel a strong desire to remarry. Is this now forbidden to me? If so, what things can I do to help cope with this?

[Anon]

A. It's terrible that you have gone through what you have. To be accused of hurting one of your little ones in an unseemly way must have hurt you terribly. That's an awful thing to have to deal with. Not to mention the hope of your home shattered.

From what I can tell from your own testamony, either this lady (your ex wife) wasn't saved or was a bitter Christian who was wounded who never healed. Even more so that she brought that wound into the second marriage. As your testamony shows, you are free from the bonds of marriage and the law of marriage if she was an unbeliever. 1st Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. A bit of clarification is that if she didn't have the resemblence of a Christian, how can you say that she was?

In retrospect, please let me make an observation. Nowhere in your letter did you mention that you and your family were in God's house. Hindsight is 20/20 I'm sure you'll agree. In this world today, the chances of a marriage lasting without Christ is 50/50 at best, 10/90 at worst. When couples come to my office for counsel, no matter what the problem is, 9 out of 10 of these problems receive the same spiritual advice: Get yourselves in God's house. Start listening to God's Word. Start applying God's Word to your life and start seeing God solving the problems. Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Question. In your vows, was even the part about "til death do us part" removed by her?

[Timothy]

Q. I think I already know the answer, but I'm looking for a way, supporting scriptures, to present to my husband of 12 years. We have recently, but gradually, involved ourselves in sexual expiermentation. Concerning Hebrews 13:4, how do I know if we've crossed the line? My husband, a christian man, believes that because we are married and are both consenting, that we are not crossing over. [Anon]

A. Hebrews:13:4: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Although this is one small verse, it speaks volumes. The first of the verse tells us that "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled". Plainly put, if the married couple wants to continue the consumation of their vows hanging from the light fixtures, it is honorable and acceptable as long as it stays in private. Even more than that; it is nobodies business but the married couple and the Lord God.

Now, as for how you know if you have crossed the line! You have crossed the line when you invite another to share the wedding bed or perform an act which is strictly forbidden by Gods Word. Why do you think the part: "but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" was put at the end of this verse?

If you have crossed the line and you are a Blood bought child of God, the Holy Spirit will speak to you and definatly let you know: 1st Corinthians 2:13 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. 2:15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. 2:16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.

Ever read the book of Leviticus?  Just because it's in the Old Testament doesn't make it outdated. Here you will find an exellent guideline for answering your question. Leviticus18:1 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, 18:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, I am the Lord your God. 18:3 After the doings of the land of Egypt, wherein ye dwelt, shall ye not do: and after the doings of the land of Canaan, whither I bring you, shall ye not do: neither shall ye walk in their ordinances. 18:4 Ye shall do my judgments, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the Lord your God. 18:5 Ye shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am the Lord. 18:6 None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord. 18:7 The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 18:8 The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness. 18:9 The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover. 18:10 The nakedness of thy son's daughter, or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness. 18:11 The nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 18:12 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's sister: she is thy father's near kinswoman. 18:13 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother's sister: for she is thy mother's near kinswoman. 18:14 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father's brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt. 18:15 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son's wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. 18:16 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife: it is thy brother's nakedness. 18:17 Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. 18:18 Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time. 18:19 Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. 18:20 Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her. 18:21 And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the Lord. 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. 18:23 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. 18:24 Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you: 18:25 And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants. 18:26 Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you:

[Timothy]

Q. Posted from the Prayer Request Page: What do you really think about divorce and remarriage. What is your opinion on spouse abuse? Is that a reason for divorce or not? Just curious. What if you just hate that person? Your opinion wanted. [Audrey West]

A. What do I really think of Divorce? I Despise It!!! What do I think of Remarriage? I Don't Understand It!!! What is my opinion on Spouse Abuse? It Stinks!!! Is that a reason for divorce? Yes!!! What if you hate that person? Then There Is Something Wrong In Your Heart!!! My opinion is what you asked for and there it is. Now that I answered those questions with my opinion why don't we answer them using the Scriptures as this Web Site was dedicated to do and as they should be. My opinion is of no consiquence unless it's backed by the Bible.

Divorce is condoned in the bible for only one thing, Fornication  which is to say Adultery. Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Divorce is "allowed" which doesn't necessarily mean condoned in the case of the Husband or Wife being a unbeliever. 1st Corinthians 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. If that husband was an unbeliever then if he decided to leave you you were to "let him depart". You wouldn't be under the bondage of marriage in this case.

Do you think that maybe he was a believer? Well a believer wouldn't abuse his wife without repentance. This would make him an unbeliever which is worse than an infidel! And to boot he wouldn't be providing for his own those things that are required of a believer: Love, Protection, Food, Shelter, Security,  Peace of Mind, etc. 1st Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Abuse, in MY OPINION, is the same as being an unbeliever and an infidel.

As far as the hate thing you mentioned... THERE IS NO ROOM FOR THE HATE OF ANYONE IN THE CHRISTIAN HEART!!! If we are to be Christ Like then we are to hate the Sin, Not the Sinner! Some repentance is needed there! Galations 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

If you will completely read this page sis it will give you a better understanding of what I am trying to say to you!

[Timothy]

Q. I believe that Marriage is an honorable witness before God. I am in a situation where I have been standing in faith believing that God will (and I know he is) to heal my marriage. Lately, I found out that my husband fathered a child that is now approx. 3 months old. He is away now more than ever. (We always wanted other children although we have one). How do I pray in this situation, would it be like Sarah, when she told Abraham to send the handmaiden and her child away in Gen 21? Or am I suppose to pray that God would not allow another child to go without a father? I have been praying and fasting so that my spirit is renewed to hear the answer from God, but as I read your awesome Q&A's, I believe that your ministry maybe another avenue in which I might get the answer to this nightmare. He is in the home but he is also away from the home, and we have no communication. [Bev]

A. Bev, healing is exactly what is needed here and yes it would be like Sarah telling Abraham to send Hagar & Ishmael away! You need to straightly tell him that he cannot have both... In other words he can't have his cake and eat it too!!!

What it is going to take is some repenting on his part. Firstly, I don't know weather your husband is saved or not. That does matter and you have every right to divorce him biblically Bev. Every right to kick him out of the house and personally in your shoes, I would. Exodus 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery. & Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. But I'm not in your shoes, you are and you have some choices to make.

Look at this passage Paul wrote us in 1st Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. Sure your husband may be providing money to pay the bills but that is only one part of provision. The others are Love, Security, and Leadership. If any of these are missing he is not doing as he should by you!

You have been praying to God to heal your marriage already so lets do also what the Savior told us to do when we have something against a brother or sister. Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 18:16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Yes that applies to your husband if he also is born again.

If he is not born again he is already an infidel and a heathen. 1st Corinthians 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. If he repents and decides to stay then you are to let him but "ONLY IF HE REPENTS"!!! 1st Corinthians 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

As for the precious child that was born out of this adulterous act, God will take care of that youngin!!! I had one of my dear prayer warriors tell me last night that she knew a couple that was in the same circumstance you are and that, by the permission of the mother, took the child and raised him. Now thats forgiveness, isn't it???

I will be right here if you want to go deeper into the subject. I'll be praying for you.

[Timothy]

Q. My question is this....What do the scriptures say about if a husband leaves his family and has been gone for a year now..does the wife have a right to divorce him..and go on to find a good Christian husband? [Girl seeking the Kingdom of God]

A. 1st Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. An infidel is (1.) One who doesn't believe in Christianity and (2.) One who is unfaithful! So, that pretty much defines an unbeliever and Paul says 1st Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. Get on with your life and if you believe that God has sent you one who is intended to be your spouse, act on it!

[Timothy]

Q. When it comes to divorce..When God said "If the unbelieving depart ,let him depart"....Does unbelieving mean..Not saved, or Not believing that God will work the marriage out? [Chrissi]

A. If you are refering to 1st Corinthians 7:15, it means someone who doesn't believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. John 3:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. So Paul was saying if this unbeliever wanted to hit the road, let him!

[Timothy]

Q. I was wondering if a preacher would perform a wedding in a church knowing that it wouldn't be legal with the state. We want to be married in the sight of God, but financially I would be better off not filing it with the state. I am widowed and I have two children. Even together we don't make enough to get insurance for the children so they are on medicade. If the state recognized our marriage, they wouldn't qualify. I also get a bigger tax break.But we have no doubts that we will be together for the rest of our lives. Can this be done?? [Anon]

A. There are many marriages performed without a civil license in this country. The reasons range from separatism to rebellion. Is it right? That depends on the couples motives. Those who are separatists feel that inside their communities is no reason to be licensed by the outside and that would be their own conviction. In most of these cases you'll not see these people receiving government assistance. Those doing it out of rebellion do it for their own selfish reasons saying that no government will tell them how to live.

Where are your motives? You say that you have no doubts that you two will be together for the rest of your lives. Fine & dandy if that's what you desire in your heart! But to live together without the pronouncement of the man of God before God is wrong, especially if you are a born again child of God! Then again to ask a man of God to pronounce your marriage knowing that he is aiding you in a lie is causing that preacher to sin. Yes I said lie! You see, doing such as you're asking is a deception no matter what the benefits. You are deceiving the government into believing that you are still unmarried. Can you think of any other words to describe it? Romans 12:17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

[Timothy]

Q. Should divorced people remarry? [Anon]

A. The Apostle Paul had to deal with this very same question in his first letter to Corinth, 1st Corinthians 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. This is speaking directly to two born again believers. We know this because Paul then addressed the issue of a saved person who has a unsaved spouse that would decide to depart. 1st Corinthians 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. Under Bondage meaning being held to the wedding vows!

Notice that there is no mention of the reasons such as adultery, or death. (see the answer below) This just seems to be covering the premise that is they want a divorce and no longer want any part of one another. In such a case the believer is to remain unmarried according to the scriptures.

[Timothy]

Q. I had been married for a number of years. My husband, who is an alcoholic that will not quit nor admit his addiction, had already been unfaithful once, which I forgave. He was abusive, mentally, verbally, emotionally, and a few times physically. I finally asked him to move out for a little while, only until he could decide if he wanted to change and keep his family. He became involved with another affair with a woman who tolerated and joined with him in his drinking. When I found out about the affair, I was devastated because he had promised never to put me through that again. My trust had been irreparably damaged. I chose to divorce him. He now lives openly with this woman with no plans to marry her. My question is, where do I stand in regards to dating, relationships, etc. Am I allowed to re-marry without making myself or my new husband an adulterer? [Anon]

A. The following passages are the words of the Savior about the matter. Read them very carefully and then lets understand the meaning. Matthew 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Notice the statement "saving for the cause of fornication" in the previous verses. From your own statements he committed adultery and gave you your release. The Lord has given you and those others whose vows have been broken to a release.

Then later on the Savior was given the same question by his disciples: Matthew 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 19:11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

In the days that the Savior was on the earth it was common for a man to divorce his wife for something as petty as burning the dinner pot roast. If a man didn't like the gal he had married, he would just get rid of her. The Lord is trying to tell us that if and only if one of the couple commit fornication (Adultery) is the only reason to be freed. If you have been divorced from your husband because of this you are indeed justified and defiantly "UNMARRIED".

Consider the Apostle Pauls words. He would rather that you remain unmarried but said if you are going to "BURN" or need the love and companionship of a man then go ahead and marry. 1st Corinthians 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

The thing you probably want to do is pray for peace. Sounds like you are wanting to be past your hurt but just can't get free of it. God will give you peace about this if you earnestly seek His will. I'll be praying with you.

[Timothy]

Q. My question pertains to the Bible's and God's acceptance and love of bi-racial marriages and children of other races than the white race.

There is so much cruelty in the world towards people of color and would like to have scripture references to use to reply to the people that say "It is God's will that whites marry whites and blacks marry blacks, etc" and that "whites are better and superior to all other races, especially blacks". The only reference I have at the moment is that Abraham married an Etheopeon woman who is black and he had both the approval of God and his wife Sarah.

The only people that I could find that God gave instructions for the Israelites not to intermarry with were idol worshipers and heathens. I happened to be born white but I do not think that makes me, or anyone else that is white, superior to other people of color.

I would really appreciate your help with scripture references I can have ready to help change the hearts of misinformed people that hurt men, women, and especially children that I know God loves as much as he does the white race.

Thank you for your help. I appreciate your having this resource available on the internet and taking the time to reply.

A. OK, Let's clear up the Ethiopian question first! Hagar, the handmaiden of Sarai was an Egyptian! Not an Ethiopian. These were olive skinned people of the Egyptian Nile plains. Genesis 16:1 Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. Also, God did not in any approve of Abram taking Hagar to wife. That was Sarai's idea, not Gods. Genesis16:2 And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. 16:3 And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.

Now, nowhere in the scriptures do I see that it is forbidden or approved of for us to marry outside our race. I do see however that we are the same as the Hebrew children and are to be separate from the world. Sorry, I just don't see anything one way or the other. Below is an excerpt from a question that was placed on the Parsons Corner about interracial dating. See if it is of any help to you.

Q. What does the bible say about interracial dating? Leonard Chambers

A. Nothing about dating but the Bible does carry some strong examples about what happens when different cultures try to meld or join together.

All through the Old Testament, the Hebrew people were told to be separate from the world. They were also told not to marry outside their people. Not all of them paid attention to this as we can see with Solomon.

But lets first look at the Biblical account of how the peoples and races of the world originally became different. I direct you to the account of the tower of Babel. Genesis11:1: And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech. 11:2: And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there. 11:3: And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter. 11:4: And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. 11:5: And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. 11:6: And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. 11:7: Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech. 11:8: So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city. 11:9: Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the Lord did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth. This at least tells me that God himself separated us and scattered us abroad. That it is Gods place, not mans to put us back together!

This is a subject that has caused some contention, even racial hatred and mistrust! No matter what the race, creed, or color, we are to treat a brother or a sister  in Christ the same as any other child of God. The holy spirit will guide a born again believer through such questions and for me to say no, it's wrong or yes, it's ok would be to try to tell you what the Holy Spirit has to say to you in these matters and only God has the authority to do that. Pray about it!

[Timothy]

Q. Pastor Tim, I am a divorced Christian Man. I remarried and my wife and I have been married 6 years today, June 9th. My question is, am I considered an adulterer since I remarried and will God forgive me for this? I am an Independent Baptist and I love the Lord! I am thankful for your answer and I appreciate this web site. Keep up the good work and may God bless you. Your brother in Christ. [Mike Walters]

A. Hi Mike. Your question is a good one and the answer is so misunderstood sometimes! Does God not forgive us as his children when we ask him? It's true that the bible says in Matthew 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 19:8: He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Now, the act of fornication or adultery is an act that was committed. If we commit a sin do we not have the ability to boldly go before the Throne of Grace to be purged of that sin? Hebrews 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. By the way, this is not a license to go ahead and sin! James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

Now that we have that out of the way lets look at the marriage! Hebrews13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

If your testimony is that you love the lord you can receive forgiveness by just the asking and the love of the testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ. Luke 7:37 And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster box of ointment, 7:38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment. 7:39 Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.7:40: And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on. 7:41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. 7:42 And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? 7:43 Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. 7:44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. 7:45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. 7:46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. 7:47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. 7:48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.

Now either God has been dealing with you about unconfessed sin or you are being persicuted by other members of the body where they are judging you. If its the unconfessed sin part, you know what to do about it, but if it is the latter then: John 8:6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. 8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

You may want to read the Forgiveness page on this site for some clarity

[Timothy]